In shameless continuum of anally retentive behavior, I just finished reconciling my check book to the monthly statement from Webster Bank, and to the penny, I might add. While performing this monthly ritual, an insert included with the statement caught my eye. Webster had changed its logo. Yawn - another example of change for sake of change. On the flip side of the insert, Webster said of it's new logo:
"This new look captures the energy and spirit of our company and all employees and reflects our determination to find a way to assist you in reaching your financial goals."
What BULLSHIT! Flowery, corporate, politically correct BULLSHIT! Whoever wrote that psycho-babble and anyone who signed off on that shit should be bound, have their eye lids taped open, have something by Barry Manilow blasting at 100-db into securely affixed headphones, be strapped semi-upright to a gurney and then towed at insane speeds behind a professionally driven NASCAR race car along 250-miles of southern California freeways.
Oh yes, I nearly forgot. The new webster Bank logo must prominently displayed on the trunk of the tow vehicle.
For the science challenged, the only way that logo "captures energy" would be if it were plastered on some solar cell arrays. Or wind power blades. Or some other form of turbine blade. You get the idea. Now call up your local Webster branch, ask to speak to the manager, and when he or she is on the line, scream into the phone at the top of your lungs: WAKE THE FUCK UP! A LOGO IS MERELY A GRAPHICAL REPRESENTATION OF AN IDEA!"
Then hang up.
And keep calling every branch and bank officer until you feel better.
I was curious what must have gone on in the final presentation and approval meeting for this logo. Here's what came to mind:
LOGO DESIGN CONTRACTOR: "So how do you like the final design?"
WEBSTER PROJECT LEADER: "Uh, it's only the letter 'W' in a circle ..."
LOGO DESIGN CONTRACTOR: "Yes, but the 'W' is unique. And so is Webster Bank."
WEBSTER PROJECT LEADER: " ... "
LOGO DESIGN CONTRACTOR: "We were worried about Westinghouse, but that's been cleared up."
WEBSTER PROJECT LEADER: "What about Volkswagen? They have a 'W' in their logo."
LOGO DESIGN CONTRACTOR: "Not to worry."
WEBSTER PROJECT LEADER: "Radio Shack uses an 'R' in their logo."
LOGO DESIGN CONTRACTOR: "Different letter. No problema."
WEBSTER PROJECT LEADER: " ... "
LOGO DESIGN CONTRACTOR: "There's such a beautiful complexity to its utter simplicity, don't you think?"
WEBSTER PROJECT LEADER: " ... "
LOGO DESIGN CONTRACTOR: "So we're good to go with this?"
WEBSTER PROJECT LEADER: "Uh ..."
LOGO DESIGN CONTRACTOR: "Off the record, I know your Board of Directors didn't have a problem with the astronomical price we're charging you for this logo design. Do you think any of your shareholders or customers will complain?"
WEBSTER PROJECT LEADER: "Don't worry about it: fuck the shareholders. And fuck the customers harder. We've only had one customer complain, and as we've only credited his account 14-cents in interest so far this year, he's not exactly what you'd call a power broker. The rest of them are deaf, blind sheep."
Some readers may think a relatively small, regional bank changing it's logo is a silly thing to get upset about. I respectfully disagree. As a customer of the bank, I deposit my money into their vault. For this loan, I am paid interest. And at a pathetically miniscule rate, I might add. So these penny pinching Scrooges at Webster buy into some metro-sexual salesman's pitch and decide to change their logo. And ALL stationery. And ALL advertising. And all signage. Webster can't pay a reasonable interest rate to their customers, yet can spend what must easily amount to thousands of dollars to change their logo?
That's not my idea of putting the customer first. And it certainly isn't in keeping with their new propaganda about their "determination to find a way to assist you in reaching your financial goals."
URI: essaywebster.html