SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD IN CONNECTICUT, October 20, 2005 @ 5:12 P.M. - Please don't ask why I was listening to a country western radio station. Lets just say it's where the scan circuitry stopped its search, okay? So there I was, sitting in traffic and listening to WWYZ FM; that's Country 92.5 for the call sign challenged. On comes the commuter traffic report by Sky Daniels.
Excuse me? Sky fucking Daniels? The hell?
Is that name supposed to spark some sort of cowboy image or something? A mutant cross between Sky King and Charlie Daniels? According to the bio on the station's website, he's a Connecticut native, so it's doubtful there is any southwestern United States connection. Cowboy wannabe? Probably.
Here's a snippit from his bio:
"Of all the places he's been a traffic reporter, Connecticut is his favorite because of all the interesting accidents and highway fiascos."
Obsessed with "interesting accidents" and "fiascos", eh? That's. Fucked. Up. Period.
If you'd like to tell Sky how fucked up that is, here's his e-mail address: email@example.com. Yeah, I know. Clear Channel. Figures, doesn't it?
I'm going to continue on under the assumption that Sky Daniels is a stage name, alias, pseudonym, anonym or nom de guerre. However you label it, it's deception at best and fraud at worst.
There are other identity-deceptive clowns in the broadcasting world around here. One got his cover blown when his son got caught up in a fracas at a pre-show tailgate party at the Meadows Music Center in Hartford last year.
The local media, coincidentally the then heretofore co-conspirators in masking his true name, were the one's to unmask WTIC-AM 1080 morning show host Ray Dunaway as really being Ray Goldsich.
Apparently Goldsich's identity issues go way back, as according to Man From Mars Productions, he was known on-the-air as Mike Dunaway during his stint at radio station KHJ in Los Angeles.
I don't know what the scoop is with Brad Field, though it's a bit odd that his name rings in tune with Bradley Field, known these days as Bradley International Airport. And it wouldn't be the first time that the airbase was hijacked as a stage name.
Next on the list is Joseph Schlosser. He was known as Lance Christian on WPOP-AM in 1972, then Sickie Sebastian on WDRC-AM, later shortening it to simply Sebastian. Schlosser and sidekick Diane Novak were perhaps best known for their "Berate the Brides" program segment, where they'd goad listeners to call in and comment on-the-air on wedding announcement photos in newspapers. Nice, huh?
Knowing that Schlosser took advantage of his bully pulpit to take such cheap shots, I feel reciprocation is due. With that said, check out Schlosser's mug, paying particular attention to his nose. Then toggle back and forth at least six times between saying "Schlosser" and looking at The Nose. Ready?
Now guess his religion.
Schlosser would have been more true to himself had he changed his name to Schnozzle.
The last time I heard Schlosser, he was on some southern Massachusetts AM station, the call sign of which I can't seem to recall. He was doing what sounded like a sports program or segment thereof.
With Howard Stern leaving Hartford's indie station WCCC-FM in his move to Sirius, Schlosser is getting yet another chance in this market. Though I won't be buying into satellite radio, I certainly won't be tuning into CCC when Schlosser is on-the-air. Schlosser sucks and deserves repeated swift kicks to the nuts. Live. On-the-air.
Back when I was about to go on-the-air at WAPJ-FM, a close friend suggested I go by Jeff Power. He reasoned that using the name Power, besides sounding cool, was easy to remember in that it rhymes with Bauer, and would therefore easily roll off the tongue. Whatever. I must admit that I was intrigued by the idea of the anonymity of hiding behind a stage name, and planned to use it. However, on my debut broadcast during the intro segment, it was simply not to be, as I announced to the world: "I'm Jeff Bauer and you've tuned in Off Frequency."
I don't lament that planned deception falling apart. However, were my last name "Asshat" or something equally embarassing, I might feel differently about all of this.
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